Barn, Work, Home, Gym: How the Cultures in our Communities Play a Role in Our Sense of Belonging
- Natasha Klingenstein
- Jun 16
- 5 min read
Where do I belong?
It’s the age-old question of the human race. We have an underlying need pushing us toward community and relationship, yet many of us experience seasons where we feel like we don’t belong anywhere.
We All Have Felt the Effects of Negative Culture
When I moved cross country, I was out of work for about a month. During that time, I felt alone. I didn’t have a community that I could call my own. Thankfully, a friend reached out recommending me for a position that sounded like the perfect fit.
I began my new job, excited to be back in a barn working with horses and like-minded people. The idea of establishing my new horse community lifted that lonliness immediately. Unfortunately, the connection I craved never grew. I worked there for a year and never felt like I truly belonged.
This experience highlighted something important for me: culture. Every barn, just like every workplace or community, has its own culture established by a combination of factors including shared values, beliefs, interactions and priorities. Often, you can actually feel the culture when you walk through the doors.
Every time I walked into that particular barn, I felt a sense of unease.
One morning that stands out. The office tended to be a congregation area in the mornings with its cozy couches and two desks. The room was already busy when I arrived at work; our trainer, rider, client, and groom all there. The groom was only with us for the week, laying over with a few of her rider’s horses.
When I entered the room, there was silence. I said good morning and received mumbled salutations in return. It felt off. It felt like they had been talking about me.
The visiting groom was sitting at my desk. I stepped behind her to put my bag down, then left the room to put my lunch in the fridge and do a lap through the barn, checking on the horses, creating my game plan for the day. When I walked back in, I anticipated my seat being free, but she was still there, staring at me.
I asked if I could please have my seat so that I could get to work. She continued to sit there, without a word, staring back at me.
I held eye contact, confused by her reaction. Finally (after what felt like 5 minutes), she got up, pushed past me, and left the room, my colleague following closely behind her. I felt guilt in that moment, wondering if I had done something to make her react the way she did.
Once it was just the trainer and me in the room, he filled me in: the rider had been telling the groom that I didn’t like people sitting in my chair and that they should try to get a reaction out of me.
The whole thing was planned to make me uncomfortable and create conflict.
It was at that moment that I saw the true colors of the people who were supposed to be my teammates, working alongside me for the good of our clients and horses. One spread lies and tried to paint me in a bad light, the other sat back and allowed it to happen.
In the great scheme of things, this is a silly, petty story. But it was a learning experience.
I had studied the effects of culture within our communities while pursuing my M.A. in Leadership and Public Administration, but had never personally felt the full affects of a negative culture. Integrating into various jobs, barns, families, churches, had always been easy for me.
But God uses these types of experiences to help us grow. By experiencing it myself, I have a deeper understanding of the impact culture has on individuals within a community.
Check out the 10 attributes of a positive culture and 10 attributes of a negative culture...
10 Attributes of a Positive Culture
Belonging
Enjoyment
Feeling Valued
Encouraged
Happiness
Stability
Openness
Safety
Connection
Support
10 Attributes of a Negative Culture
Uneasiness
Burden
Pressure
Discontentment
Disconnection
Guardedness
Doubt
Anxiety
Undermining
Loneliness
Recognize the Culture You’re In and the Role You Play
Does the culture at your barn, workplace, home, or ___________ (fill in the blank) foster a sense of belonging? What role are you playing in that culture? How are your actions affecting the feelings of someone else in that community?
If you find yourself in a community with a negative culture, it’s time to make a change.
Implement Change
You may be the spark needed to completely turn a negative culture around. Don’t underestimate yourself and stand firm in your positions.
Lead by example - live and act in ways that reflect the attributes of a positive culture
Be transparent and honest - share your feelings with others and allow them to do the same, responding with grace
Focus on communication - communication is the key to establishing solid relationships
Be inclusive - everyone wants to feel that they are valued and part of the community
Set clear boundaries and expectations - this gives clarity regarding acceptable behaviors and reduces conflict
Pray - only God can change someone’s heart and character
Leave the Community
If you have tried implementing the above but nothing seems to change, it may be time to part ways with your community. Your mental health and well being must be prioritized. And as the saying goes, when one door closes, another opens.
Jesus affirms this, speaking out in Revelation 3:8, giving us this comforting message:
“I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one
can close.”
A friend of mine is on this cusp, back and forth about whether or not she should stay in a workplace where she is experiencing all of the effects of a negative culture. The thought of leaving, of starting fresh somewhere new is overwhelming.
But it is in the times of pressure and uncertainty that we grow stronger, developing our perseverance and understanding who we are and where we truly belong.
Stay and Get Sucked In
In reality, this is the easiest way to go. It requires no change and no effort to stay. But over time you will be drained of your joy, and what's worse, you will drain the joy from others.
If you’re contemplating staying and riding it out, is it really what you want? Will you be fulfilled playing a role in a culture that diminishes yourself and others?
I don’t think so.
We Were Created for Good
God made us to be relational - to establish loving, caring communities where all are welcomed and valued. Next to his greatest commandment of loving Him, the second greatest and equally as important is to love our neighbors.
The need for a loving community is written on our hearts. It is part of our soul and one of our basic human needs. Without this essential being met, mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and stress dramatically escalate. The good news is, we can ask God to place us in a community where we can find true connection.
Action Step
Take some time this week to assess the culture of the communities you’re currently in. Barn, work, home, gym, etc. Journal about it or write it in the notes on your phone.
Answer the following questions:
In each of these communities, what attributes do you see in the people surrounding you?
In each of these communities, what attributes are brought out in you?
Do you need to make a change?
What is one change you can make this week that will increase positivity for you and those around you?
Be honest with yourself. We all have areas in our relationships with others where we can make a positive change.
Contact Me!
I’d love to hear more about what this reflection has shown you and support you if you need to talk through any of it. Visit our site at paddocksandpraise.com or send me an e-mail to natasha@paddocksandpraise.com.
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